


sing when words fail

by literally_jams



Category: The Office (US)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Fluff and Angst, Karaoke, M/M, POV Second Person, pure fluff tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-24
Updated: 2016-06-24
Packaged: 2018-07-17 23:40:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7290769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/literally_jams/pseuds/literally_jams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>five times you tried to make a move and one time he made a move.</p>
            </blockquote>





	sing when words fail

_five: sales call_

 

from the beginning, you thought jim was _hot_. not charming, not witty, not clever, just hot. (though you’d think he’s charming and witty and clever and even more hot later.)

 

jim, with his lanky limbs and his puppy dog hair and his half-smile and shrug combo at the cameras.

 

you knew you wanted to be around jim since the beginning, and you have tried so hard and yet you have gotten nowhere.

 

one time, michael had people go on a sales call.

 

he had assigned jim first and said jim needed a partner and of course, you said, “i’ll go!” a little bit too excitedly.

 

you didn’t really think about what you were saying, you just knew that maybe if you drive, then you could stop by a pizza place or something. maybe you could have a sort of date with jim.

 

then michael crushes your crush on jim and says, “no, sweet cheeks, we need someone who’s made a sale.”

 

you can’t see jim’s expression from the angle you’re at.

 

there goes attempt number one.

 

_four: basketball_

 

you think michael is an idiot. and frankly, so does everyone else at the office.

 

he invites you to basketball in the warehouse and you do it because jim’ll do it.

 

michael kind of has a thing about you and it makes you really uncomfortable but honestly, that’s the least of your worries. at this point you’re so numb to michael that he could show up at your door at three in the morning, asking for a quesadilla and you wouldn’t be impressed.

 

you walk down the stairs to the warehouse and you’re hit by a _sight_.

 

jim in basketball clothes is truly something else.

 

anyway, you get to the game and nothing exciting really happens except dwight wears a plastic mask that makes him look like he got plastic surgery.

 

and then, jim makes a half court basket and he glows and you don’t know if you die inside or melt inside.

 

he’s sweating and there’s dark spots near the neck of his grey shirt and his hair is shiny in the light and you need to reel back in the thirst a little bit.

 

you smile fondly at him because everyone’s cheering and you find his grin so cute. except for the fact that it’s not for you.

 

your smile goes unnoticed and fades when you see that jim’s grin is directed towards pam and pam is grinning at jim back and you are the odd man out.

 

you find it funny, the fact that you even try. it’s painfully obvious that jim is straighter than straight and is so in love with pam. who are you to try to break them apart?

 

who are you? a temp, a college student, a one night stand, an assistant, a person who thinks they are unworthy of being loved. who are you to try to separate jim and pam, who have been in love with each other even before you were in the picture? (granted, you’re in the background of the picture, barely noticeable.)

 

they are a sad story, even sadder than yours. they are two soulmates who still haven’t told each other they love the other even after so long.

 

you are just another story of a boy who fell in love with a boy who didn’t love him back.

 

you tell yourself you should get over it.

 

_three: temporary receptionist (and other things that are temporary)_

 

pam goes on vacation and you are her replacement.

 

only in the office, though. you could never replace her in jim’s heart.

 

you wish you could and then you regret that thought. pam’s one of your best friends. pam is kind and beautiful and wonderful and she is in love with jim and is engaged with another man. (not to mention, jim is in love with her.)

 

she has them all.

 

in the timespan between the basketball game and now, you have turned ‘i like jim halpert’ to ‘i love jim halpert.’ you have accepted it, you are completely in love with jim halpert and it’ll destroy you.

 

but, not to be confused, jim won’t destroy you. you and your poison thoughts will destroy you.

 

jim constantly looks up at you, and you always feel his eyes sending arrows into your body. you always look up and he looks away when he realizes you aren’t pam.

 

it makes you sad. it makes you sad because you realize it’s instinct; jim looking up to talk to pam and plan pranks. it’s not as if he is intentionally looking at you. it’s not as if you matter to him enough for him to look at you.

 

he always looks like he wants to say something but he stops every time.

 

it makes you frustrated and sad and you don’t want pam to come back because you need more time to create a bond with jim but you also want her to come back because you can’t stand the ache of not being the one jim wants.

 

don’t worry, you are only temporary. in this office, in jim’s heart, in this life.

 

he looks at you one time and you look back and you snap because it just _hurts_ so much.

 

“what?” it comes out harsh and mean and you instantly want to take it back.

 

“sorry-sorry, it’s nothing it’s just you’re really cute and i can’t stop looking at you, and usually i look up to talk to pam but she’s not here but you are and i just can’t help but stop to stare at you a little bit and oh my god i said too much, didn’t i?” jim stumbles over his words and it’s cliche that jim overshares the right words but you thank the gods. jim is a cute shade of red and playing with his hands and you smile.

 

“really cute, huh?” is all you can say, even though your heart is soaring and jim just called you cute.

 

“i-” jim smiles. “yeah. i think you’re really cute.”

 

you grin so wide, you think your face might rip in half.

 

if there is something certain in your life, it is that you have not gotten over jim halpert. definitely.

 

_two: karaoke_

 

you thought about jim calling you cute and you had an idea and it was a crazy, stupid idea.

 

michael practically sets the scene for you and you think that he has finally done something right.

 

he brings the office to poor richard’s and your crazy stupid idea infects your thoughts. you’re drunk enough to step on to the stage to do the _thing_ , but sober enough to second guess yourself.

 

kelly hands you another drink and you take it down easily.

 

yep, you’re drunk enough to do it.

 

you whisper really loudly to the dj, “tongue tied,” and the dj isn’t really impressed and a sober thought of guilt comes back to you because man, this guy has to deal with people like you for a living.

 

then again, you deal with michael for a living.

 

you take the microphone as the guitar starts to kick in and you hear the lead’s voice scream and you can’t help but join in.

 

you feel bubbly and on a high you’ve never been before and the lyrics haven’t even started.

 

you look right at jim and he’s staring right back at you, jaw open. you grin and bounce on the back of your heels and you’re so excited to really tell jim how you feel.

 

“take me to your best friend’s house, go around this roundabout, oh, yeah.” you sing and you feel the energy running through your veins and you’ve never felt this happy and time stops and you feel so alive and you want to feel like this forever.

 

jim starts smiling and so you start smiling too. jim and pam are sitting next to each other but it doesn’t matter because jim seems so mesmerized with you and you are pouring your heart out to jim (and the rest of the office) and jim is paying no attention to pam. (you aren’t either, so you wouldn’t know that she is also smiling at you, but not just you. she’s smiling at the both of you.)

 

“take me to your best friend’s house, i loved you then and i love you now, oh, yeah,” you mean it, you really love jim and you hide behind grouplove’s lyrics but the concept still stands, you are so in love with jim and this is your confession.

 

“don’t leave me tongue tied, don’t wave no goodbye, don’t,” you hold the ‘o’ in don’t and you throw your head back and you are having the most fun in your life. you don’t know if it’s the alcohol or the relief of confessing to jim but you feel like you are on a high and you never want to come down.

 

nothing really happens for the rest of the song, you dance stupidly and jim laughs at you and you somehow fall even more in love with jim. everything is fine until you get to the middle of the song and you have another stupid idea, but stupid ideas seem to be working tonight.

 

“one,” you take a step forward. “two.” you take another. “three, four” you take two more steps into jim’s general direction.

 

kelly knows what you’re thinking and her jaw drops and she covers her mouth with a hand. (you don’t notice, you’re too focused on jim.)

 

you keep walking towards jim. you kind of want to back out but you realize that’d be stupid so you go through with it.

 

“don’t take me tongue tied,” jim hasn’t really done anything or shown any expression and that kind of worries you but you keep going.

 

“let’s stay up all night,” you and jim are inches away, microphone under both your chins. jim’s eyes are staring at you again and you are terrified.

 

“i’ll get real high, slumber party, pillow fight.” you whisper, you don’t care about the others, you’re afraid of scaring him away so you whisper soft and gentle.

 

“my eyes and your eyes, like peter pan up in the sky, my best friend’s house tonight, let’s bump the beats til beddy-bye.” you lean in closer, never looking away from jim. jim closes his eyes and wow, that is _not_ what you were going to do but this works too.

 

jim leans in and he kisses you, (even though this is _your_ idea.) and he’s soft and gentle with you, as if you’d break under him and you wouldn’t be surprised if you did.

 

jim cups a hand over your cheek and it’s kind of awkward, really, you’re standing and he isn’t but he’s so much taller than you but you think it doesn’t really matter because _you’re kissing jim, you’re kissing jim, you’re kissing jim and he’s kissing you back._

 

jim’s lips are soft and warm and he tastes like bourbon and cinnamon. it’s intoxicating and you feel like this is a drug you can’t quit anytime soon.

 

the song still plays in the background, waiting for your voice but it doesn’t matter anymore. your arms are around jim’s neck and you feel like you can kiss him forever. you think he’s thinking the same thing when he hesitates to pull away.

 

jim presses your forehead against his and whispers, “hi.”

 

the song stopped at this point and you still have the microphone and while this is a turnpoint for you and jim, kevin is up on the karaoke stage singing tainted love with the spare microphone.

 

your eyes dart around and you realize that no one really cares or notices. pam is gone from her seat next to jim and she’s talking to karen and they look like they’re in their own world, just like you and jim.

 

“hi.” you say, lamely. what happens after this? is jim drunk? will he remember in the morning? what about pam? oh god, oh god, pam. “pam?” you ask. you need to know you’re not destroying your relationships with everyone.

 

“what about her?” he asks, face flushed.

 

“aren’t you dating her?”

 

“ryan, she has a thing for karen.”

 

“she’s gay?” you’d say the puzzle pieces click together or something like that but that’s a lie because it doesn’t really make sense.

 

“she’s bi. us queers have to stick together.” jim smiles and it’s bright and you love it.

 

“all i’m getting is that pam’s bi and likes karen and you’re friends with pam and nothing more because you’re gay too.”

 

“yeah, basically.”

 

“roy?”

 

“broke off the engagement.”

 

“no offence, but about time.” you snort.

 

“i know, right?”

 

your fingers start to tap on jim’s shoulder. “can we stop talking and start making out again? i really like kissing you.”

 

jim doesn’t say anything and instead, he kisses you again.

 

you move into jim’s lap and you throw the microphone behind you without a second thought. (oscar catches it.)

 

life - 0, you - 1.

 

_one: break room_

 

the next morning, something’s changed between you and jim.

 

the office doesn’t really care, stanley greets you with a nod like every morning, pam waves to you, dwight tells you some stupid fact about elephants and michael bothers you.

 

you always feel like you’re being looked at and each time you expect michael, you look up and you see jim staring at you, just like when pam was on vacation.

 

except, jim smiles at you every time you look at him and you always smile back and it’s not a _bad_ change. you just feel like there’s something that needs to be addressed. (you know what it is, you’re just in denial.)

 

you catch jim sitting in the break room, when he was looking out the window and sipping on orange soda. no one else in the room, just jim and his thoughts.

 

you look around and you see that the entire office is looking at you, urging you to go in.

 

“go!” pam mouths at you.

 

“okay.” you mouth back.

 

you open the door to the break room softly. you feel like this moment is precious and gentle and you wouldn’t want to do anything to break it.

 

“jim?” you are scared and bold at the same time, not wanting to keep your hopes up but you are so _wanting_.

 

he turns around, his face is sad and you want to make him happy and make him forget about his worries. “hey.”

 

“what’s wrong?” you sit in a chair opposite of jim. you can’t stand jim being sad, because it makes you sad and it’s a loss for everyone.

 

he tries to look blank and feign innocence and you very much don’t appreciate it. “nothing? nothing’s wrong? are you okay, ry?”

 

you were about to say something but your brain short circuits because _ry, ry, ry._ he called you _ry_. “yeah, i’m fine.” you sound winded. good job.

 

“um,” you start again, “about last night,”

 

“i’m so sorry, i didn’t--” your heart deflates a little, but you keep going because you might never have the chance to ask him again.

 

“let me finish so i can’t back out of this.”

 

“okay.” jim looks sadder and you hate it but you go on.

  
  
“listen, jim, i really like you. okay? like, i really _really_ like you. so i was wondering if you wanted to go out to din--”

 

“hello, ryan flyin’ and jim-sum! how’s it going?” michael walks into the room and ruins _everything._

 

you sigh and walk out of the break room. you catch michael’s “aw, come on, ryan!” (you don’t catch the disappointed look on jim.)

 

oscar and pam and karen and kelly and everyone else gives you an apologetic look. andy has the guts to say, “sorry, brother.” you want to punch him.

 

you go back to your desk and you don’t talk to anyone for the rest of the day.

 

_plus one: rooftop_

 

the next day, phyllis throws a party for no reason. it’s a good office party, mainly because phyllis planned it.

 

you stand near pam and karen, mountain dew in your hand. she’s talking about pride and prejudice and somehow you’re genuinely intrigued. she’s talking about how beautifully written it is when someone taps your shoulder.

 

you turn around and you see jim with his half smile and a box of pizza in his hand. “wanna go to the roof?”

 

you look at karen and pam and they’re doing just fine without you and you think you can leave without them noticing. “yeah.” you toss the mountain dew can into the trash and stuff a few more cans in your jacket.

 

“field trip to the roof.” he says and he walks out the conference room with you on his heels.

 

he shows you to the roof and hold the door open for you and dramatically bows. “for you, my beautiful lady.”

 

it is dark already and you’re thankful that jim can’t see the faint blush on your neck. “why thank you, prince jimothy.” you curtsy and walk out onto the roof as you hear him laugh.

 

there are chairs already on the roof, there’s scented candles and you kind of want to ask jim if you can take one because candles are _expensive_.

 

jim is already sitting on one of the chairs and opening the pizza box.

 

you sit next to him and open another can of mountain dew and you offer him one. “cheers,” you say.

 

“to us,” jim says, clinking the cans together and taking a sip.

 

“to us.” you say, smiling. “do you know the constellations?” you pause. “because i sure as hell don’t.”

 

jim laughs at you and it’s warm, compared to the chilly wind of april. “i slept through high school astronomy. don’t even know why i took it.”

 

“looks nice on the resume.”

 

jim laughs again and you love making jim laugh. “yeah. anyway, all i know is that those three stars over there?”

 

“there…..there are multiple stars.” you say, and you’re not even trying to be funny.

 

jim chuckles at you and he points to the three horizontal ones. “those three stars.”

 

“yeah?”

 

“that’s um, orion’s belt. the hunter guy who thought he was so good and could kill every animal. but then a scorpion killed him.”

 

“sucks to be him.”

 

“yeah.” jim hesitates. “ryan, about yesterday.”

 

this is just like yesterday. you want to interrupt jim but you don’t.

 

“so i’m not going to even apologize about michael because he’s, you know, michael.”

 

you snort. “tell me about it.”

 

jim smiles, “but, um, i hope i’m not reading too far into this but, um, it seemed like you were going to ask me out yesterday so um,”

 

you don’t think jim could be reading too far into it, you feel like you made it pretty clear that you like jim. (you actually love him, but you’ll save that for later.)

 

“i really really like you too, ryan, do you want to go to dinner with me?” jim is blushing now and playing with his hands and it’s _adorable_.

 

you are breathless and you couldn’t think of a better way of being asked out, on the roof of your office building with the boy you love and white pizza and mountain dew and the orion constellation over you and the street lamps glowing a soft orange below and everything is good. “yeah. of course i will. i’d never say no.”

 

“good.” jim grins and it’s so infectious that you grin with him. “friday at seven?”

 

“whatever you want, as long as i’m with you.” you can’t help the cheesiness because you’re going to dinner with jim. _jim_ , who you’ve wanted since the day you started. jim, who you love and maybe even loves you back.

 

“we’re not even on our first date and you’re already being cheesy?”

 

“what can i say, halpert, you bring out the romantic in me.”

 

jim laughs. “i can’t think of anything as cheesy. you beat me at my own game, howard.”

 

“i’ve never been so honored.”

 

you want to be as comfortable and easy as this forever. (jim does too.)

 

_bonus: dinner and a walk._

 

it’s friday at six thirty and your knee is bouncing and you’re so excited for your date with jim. until you realize you never told him where to pick you up. you pick up your phone and text him, _u never told me where u would be picking me up._

 

jim texts back fairly quickly somehow. _i thought we had agreed on bermuda?_

 

you laugh and you’re glad no one can see you because jim just makes you so warm and happy and you’re scared to show it off to anyone. _whoops, forgot about that._ you double text and you hesitate sending it but you do it without another thought. _are you on the road?_

 

_yeah_ . whoa, whoa, you are _not_ going to be the cause of jim’s death, not at the first date.

 

_stop texting me ur gonna die_

 

_the only reason i’ll die is due to how much i like you_

 

your mind is going places because jim said he likes you and you love jim and maybe if you play your cards right then maybe you’d get a happy ending with jim.

 

_what’s your address?? im just kinda driving around._ jim double texts too and you find it comforting, for some reason.

 

_my address is 23 london drive. i’ll be near the sign._

 

_but its cold_

 

_i’ll be ok_

 

_ok_

 

_be safe_

 

_i’ll try for u_

 

there is a warm feeling in your chest and you are excited and scared that you would mess this up. you don’t get your jacket because you have _expectations_ and you walk out to the wooden ‘skyline villa’ sign. jim was right, you are cold from the wind and it’s dark but you pull out your phone and scroll your twitter and you look up at every car that passes by.

 

a red car stops by the sign and rolls down its window. “hey, ryan.”

 

“hi.” you say. you wear something called ‘trying to look like you don’t care but you actually do. a lot.’ collection by you. you wear a blue long sleeve shirt with half-tight black pants and you kind of regret it because the pants aren’t so baggy like your work ones but they aren’t tight like skinny jean tight and you look like a bartender bordering emo. you tried to do something with your hair but it didn’t really work out so it looks like normal but you guess that’s your best hairstyle.

 

“are we going to go now or um? because my bed time’s at nine.” jim teases you, smiling.

 

“oh, um, yeah.” it wasn’t your smoothest reply but it wasn’t your rockiest, so you guess it’ll be okay. you open the car door behind jim and you slide in. you didn’t trip and fall on your face so you consider that to be a good sign.

 

“ryan...why are you in the back?”

 

you instantly regret everything you’ve ever thought and done leading up to this moment. why did you think this was a good idea? why did you sit in the back? you’re an idiot, ryan howard.

 

“um, so i was really nervous and i still am but um it was the closest door and i just thought that--and i didn’t trip while sitting down so i thought that was a win but apparently not and also those are lies, i actually don’t have a clue why i sat in the back honestly for some reason i thought it was a good idea and i just kind of made that up on the spot. sorry.” you word vomit all over jim and you are even more dead inside.

 

jim laughs warmly and it’s almost enough to make you feel like it’s okay before you realize you’re still in the back of the car.

  
“should-should i be in the passenger seat?”

 

“i mean, yeah, unless you’re okay with sitting in the back.” jim makes you feel like everything is okay.

 

you get out of the car and move to the passenger seat but as you slide into the seat, you knock your head against the roof of jim’s car and you try to act as casual as possible and you pray to god he didn’t notice.

 

jim laughs at you again but it doesn’t feel like he’s laughing _at_ you, but instead it feels like he’s laughing _with_ you. “you okay?” he asks. jim turns the car around and heads out to the street.

 

“define okay?”

 

“um, fine, not harmed.”

 

“i am fine and not harmed if you look past the _concussion_ and _memory loss_ and _coma_ , jim. is that really okay?”

 

“you’ll live.” he doesn’t say that seriously enough and you love the atmosphere between you and jim. it’s fond and sweet and soft. you might even say it’s perfect. (you’re just scared of the word.)

 

“if i don’t, i’m going to to _sue_ you, jim halpert.”

 

jim scoffs at you. “i’d like to see you try.” the car stops at a red light.

 

you don’t have a good comeback and you pout. the car drives again.

 

“where are we going?” you ask after a while. the silence had been calm and it wasn’t awkward. you were looking out into the street lights and the stars and the quiet life of scranton. jim had been mouthing along to the radio and you found it cute. you stared at his face, illuminated by the peach street lights. there were a lot of quiet and gentle moments you’ve had with jim over the past two weeks and you want to relive all of them. you always want to be this soft and gentle.

 

“rydell diner. they’ve got the best milkshakes in the entire universe.”

 

“i dunno jim..” you trail off and watch jim’s face turn from content to scared. “i mean, aliens make pretty good milkshakes.”

 

jim lets out a relieved sigh and you smile. “i hate you. i thought you were lactose intolerant or something.”

 

you laugh. “nah, i’m just playing. i love milkshakes.”

 

“i give a pretty good one, if you know what i mean.” jim winks and they stop in the parking lot.

 

you laugh and bad thoughts come into your mind but it’s sinful to think of bad thoughts in front of a person so innocent and beautiful. you get out of the car and you hear jim faintly say,

 

“don’t hit your head again.”

 

“shut up!” you yell loudly.

 

you and jim wait on the sidewalk for the cars to clear up so you can cross the street. there’s no car on the lane closest to you but there’s a silver car heading towards you but it’s kind of far, (but close enough to _kill_ you) but jim thinks it’s safe to go through. he takes your hand and he runs across the street, dragging you with him.

 

once you get on the other side, you let out a laugh and you’re _exasperated_. “jim, we could have died!”

 

jim grins and he says, “but we didn’t.”

 

you scoff at him and walk inside.

 

“table for two?” the waitress asks, she has a notepad out and she’s looking so tired and weary. you tell yourself to give her a big tip.

 

“yeah,” jim answers behind you, jim is so much taller than you that he talks right over your head. the waitress smiles and leads you to the booth in the back.

 

“is this okay?” she asks.

 

“ry?” you hear jim but you’re already in the booth and you’re too busy staring out at the window at the lights and the cars. it mesmerizes you, the life after dark and the lights and the stories of all the people. you don’t answer jim.

 

“i think it’s okay.” jim smiles at the waitress.

 

she walks away.

 

“ry? you okay?” jim asks you but it comes out faded and blurry and you are so captivated. but you are even more captivated by jim.

 

“yeah? sorry.” you turn your head back to him. “what’d i miss?”

 

jim smiles. “the waitress asked if the booth was okay and i wanted to know if you were okay with it but it seemed like you were by the windows. is that okay?”

 

“yeah. more than okay. what do you want to eat?” you pick up the laminated menu and flip through the pages.  
  
you end up ordering two milkshakes but you put two straws in one of them and sip them together like the cheesy couple you two are. (you ordered the second one because you can’t settle for _half_ a milkshake.)

 

the fries come and you dip a fry in the strawberry milkshake and drop it in your mouth.

 

“that’s gross, ry,” jim mumbles over his sandwich.

 

“that’s even more gross, jimothy.” you say, popping another milkshake dipped fry into your mouth. “also it’s actually really good. wanna try?” this is another bad idea, but with jim, they’re all good ideas.

 

“okay.” jim swallows and you watch his adam’s apple and you have to look away because that’s _hot_.

 

jim reaches for your basket of fries and you tug it out of reach. you take a fry and dip it in the milkshake and you put it up to jim’s face.

 

jim’s eyes go wide before biting the fry off your finger. success, you think. “not bad,” jim says after a while. “maybe chocolate’s a better flavor?”

 

“yeah, it’s a stronger flavor.” definitely success.

 

you finish dinner shortly after that and you walk out the door with jim in front of you.

 

“where to, now?” you look up at jim.

 

“you wanna go walk in the park?”

 

“okay.” you smile. you can do anything as long as it’s with jim.

 

jim leads you in the streets of scranton. there are paper lanterns on a long string tied in between two wooden posts. the sky is navy blue and the moon is a crescent shape. shop lights are glistening and there is muffled life in the streets.

 

you hold out your hand and look at jim. he takes your hand when you nudge him because he’s not looking. you smile.

 

jim’s hand is warm and comfortable and your hands don’t really fit perfectly but the feeling that it gives you is electrifying and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

you get to the park and nobody is there. just you and jim. jim swings your linked hands as you walk and his smile is brighter than the moon.

 

you get cold eventually and you shiver.

 

jim notices and he lets go of your hand and shrugs off his jacket and he drapes it across your shoulders. his jacket is about two sizes too big for you, the end of the jacket goes to your mid-thighs and the sleeves could fit you, if your arms were twice as long.

 

“should've brought a jacket.” jim teases, so you don’t feel bad for taking his jacket.

 

besides, you left your jacket just for this situation. good move.

 

“didn’t think it was going to be this cold,” you shrug.

 

jim holds out his hand and you take it. you keep walking in the park with jim’s jacket on.

 

you walk back to the car with jim and you only let go of his hand to go to your side of the car. he puts the key in and starts driving.

 

one of jim’s hands let go from the wheel and he puts it down palm up near the gear. you lace your fingers with jim’s.

 

the car ride back to your apartment was so much more different than the ride to the restaurant. jim has the radio loud and the windows are down and you’re still holding hands with jim as you both sing loudly to no angels by bastille.

 

the wind runs through your hair and jim’s driving fast and you love the feeling of excitement of being alive and being free like this.

 

“--don’t want no scrub, a scrub is a guy that can’t get no love from me,” jim sings ella’s part loudly and off-key and he claims that ella’s part is his favorite.

 

“hangin’ out the passenger side of his best friend’s ride, trying to holla at me,” you join jim and your singing is surprisingly okay. you feel free in this moment, it is dark and there are barely any street lamps on the highway. you feel like how you felt when you sang tongue tied to jim. you feel free and alive and you feel like in all twenty three years of your life, you just realized what it means to live. you are energetic and happy and you’re sitting next to the boy you love and you’re enjoying yourself and it’s wonderful.

 

you have been so happy lately with jim. you always want to be this happy.

 

“holler at me, holler at me, holler at me,” jim and you sing together, jim holds the ‘e’ in ‘me’ every single time.

 

dan smith’s part right after ella’s is your favorite, coincidentally. “if you don’t have a car and you’re walking,” you sing, but it could be mistaken for yelling. whenever you say something, it seems like the wind carries it away. it’s okay though, jim can hear you.

 

“oh, yes son, i’m talking to you.” jim grins at you. the car stops at a red light.

 

“if you live at home with your momma,” your voice goes everywhere with the word ‘momma,’ you show off your vocal range to impress jim.

 

“yeah! go ryan!” jim yells. “we’re all in our private traps.” he continues with the song.

 

“if you have a shorty, but you don’t show love.” you close your eyes and bask in this moment. you don’t worry about anything else. this is pure and raw and this is love and life at its finest.

 

“clamped at them, and none of us can ever get out.” jim’s face looks soft and happy and you’re glad for it. you’re leaning against the corner of the seat and the door, body facing jim.

 

“wanna get with me with no money,” your vocal range goes crazy again and you smile at jim.

 

“oh no, i don’t want no,” jim holds the note. the car starts again.

 

“you killed that, jim!” you say to him.

 

he blushes and looks away from you. the song still plays on. “thanks.” he mumbles.

 

you don’t say anything else and you smile at him.

 

the red car pulls up to the ‘skyline villa’ sign. “so, i actually don’t know what apartment you’re in.”

 

you laugh at jim softly. “it’s the farthest one.”

 

“you walked all the way from there to this sign without a jacket?”

 

“yeah.”

 

“idiot.”

 

“only for you.” you grin.

 

jim is taken off guard by that and he just smiles at you.

 

he drives to the farthest building on the road. “your stop?”

 

“yeah.” you pause. “i had a really fun time, jim.”

 

“best first date ever?” jim smiles.

 

“best first date ever.” you confirm.

 

“goodnight, ryan.”

 

“goodnight, jim.”

 

jim leans in forward and _oh_ , you know where this is going. you lean in too and you both meet in the middle.

 

the kiss is similar to the one at karaoke night. it’s soft and gentle but something about this one is more quiet and loving and memorable. jim pulls away shortly.

 

“goodnight, ryan.” he says against your lips.

 

“you said that already,” you whisper.

 

“well, i’m saying goodnight a second time. so goodnight, ryan.”

 

“that’s three, now.” you smile softly.

 

“are you going to say it back?” jim’s hand is on the back of your neck and you really don’t want to go.

 

“goodnight jim, goodnight jim.” you pull away gently and you step out of the car.

 

you walk into the apartment building and wave at jim, who’s waiting for you to get in safely. that’s cute, you think.

 

jim waves back and he gives you a thumbs-up before driving away.

 

you smile happily and unlock the lobby door. you climb up the stairs to your apartment and you unlock that door.

 

you don’t even bother taking your clothes off, you jump into bed and you take off jim’s jacket and you curl up next to it.

 

jim’s jacket smells like fresh air and the cupcake car freshener in his car and faint cologne and the smell of a diner.

 

you open up your phone one last time to see two new texts, both from jim.

 

the first one was _‘sleep well, ry.’_ followed by, _‘nice jacket, huh? got it for ten dollars.’_

 

you sigh happily like a drunk fool and in a sense, you are. you’re a fool drunk in love and high off of jim.

 

you can deal with the hangover whenever you stop drinking love. (you don’t plan to stop for a while.)


End file.
